Today...

I did things today that I won't be able to forgive myself for. I found out facts that made me depressed.

I am so pissed off right now at myself that I want to punch myself like 5 times on the face to punish myself.

I am just a simple guy who wants to be happy, without the expense of others. But.. I am a coward. Yes, I am. People take the rap for me sometimes, forgive me, and all that. I appreciate it. But the feeling residing inside my heart will never be able to go away. I'm lucky to have friends like mine, but always taking advantage of their kindnesses. When I look at myself in the mirror, I get sick.

I suck. Big time.

Just realise that my photo assignment for my GEMs CA1 hadn't been officially started.I'm gonna change my theme to Yu-Gi-Oh! cards. Since we won't need to publicly present them, and only need to give in CD... well, I'll be able to deal with it.

Tomorrow is the last day of graduation. Good luck, seniors. Time sure flies. My turn next year already...

Tomorrow on, I'll also be embarking on a small journey. To find myself. And to trust in myself. I lack a lot of confidence, self esteem and optimism. With the way I am... I can't take on the world. Hesitance will only make people hate me. I need to rid myself of that factor.

I just realised a lot of people I know are beyond my horizons. They are as high and bright as the glittering stars in the sky, while I am... the useless sand on the ground people step on. I... want to fly and be on the same standing with them... but I can't. I don't know why, but I feel so helpless, so useless. When can I reach their level? When can I prove myself?

I don't know. I'm confused. I'm dumb. I'm stupid. I know.

I'll never get anywhere in the world with who I am now. If I want to rise, I need to discover dominant powers within myself, such as  "motivation", "drive" etc.

ZH, it's time to wake up.

You can't depend on your friends who can tank for you now for the rest of your life. Eventually, you'll need to stand alone against the world. And they will also have their lives to take care of.

Realise that.