Year end post!

I'm early, but what the heck. I'm gonna be outside tomorrow till it goes to 2011, so let's go with the flow and post now!

2010 had been a heck of a year. I had my fair shares of laughter and smiles. Many happy things occured. I met a lot of new friends, so close we could become family. I realised how the people around me care so much about me. I realised that family can be so warm. I revisited several old hobbies. I changed for the better.

But similarly, in contrast to bright sides, there are dark sides as well.

I also had my fair share of tears and frowns. I lost a family member. I lost a few friends, and... a few things happened.

May the next year be a better one, folks. From me, to you. :)

See you in the Year 2011!

Moving on

It's never easy.

After all, I'm an idiot who is so stubborn I can persevere on something for 8 long years, so yeah, it doesn't make things any easier for me.

During the past two days, I've done my fair share of thinking, pondering and gone through my share of depression. Every friend who saw me in that state had tried to cheer me up, give me advice, and told me to go forward. Seriously, I'm thankful to all of them. If not for all of you, I would have had to go through this alone. These past three days with all of them, shopping, skating and being reckless, chatting and hanging out... it helped me go through with it.

It's times like this, I realise how mentally weak I can be. And how useless I can be without my friends around. Like a certain someone said, I can be "socially deprived".

"Don't stay at your current state, move on.", "Time heals all wounds.", "Nobody said it would be easy to move on, but you have to do it eventually." etc. I've heard these lines so often this few days that they seem cliche. Seriously, it's like listening to broken records.

But nobody said I wasn't listening, or heeding the advices.

I'm going to try. Nobody said it was easy. I still have a pounding feeling in my chest whenever I think about it. I don't want to let myself remain like this. Stagnant, useless and clingy.

I'm moving on.

My feelings were real. I was being serious. But I will respect your decision.

Let's just be friends.

Torn

I am serious about it. But the other party obviously didn't see the matter in my way. It tore me apart.

Crying won't solve any problems. The best and only thing tears can do is to clean the dirt in your eyes.

Right now, I feel like I want to fall apart, just yell and cry and do whatever. Knives are poking at my heart every second I remember those words.

Call me emo/sensitive/conclusion jumper/pessimist or whatever you guys want to call me. The verdict has been cast.

I once again know how heartbreak can feel like.

Everyone gave me encouragement. I want to continue, but more and more, my target is travelling further and further.

I've been told not to mind any distances I distinct between the both of us, yet I was too late to overcome those emotions, and I was too hesitant, too cowardly and too indecisive. And worse of all, I make excuses for myself.

I can only blame myself for the tears falling from my eyes...

For my readers' benefit...

Yes folks, I'm still very much alive.... And boy, do I have tales to tell.

My last post revolves about my JLPTN4. Thanks for everyone who wished me good luck. I think I did fairly well.

F1 Simulator project. This project is like a pet project between me and my good bro, Garry. The project was going along fine (notice I didn't say 'well', or 'over the top'). JUST FINE. Till we noticed one thing. We had five supervisors to satisfy, each with different sets of ideas running through their heads.

So, how do you please 5 people?

I'm no pro at it, but Garry's been a real great partner. I'm sorry that I couldn't do much even at my best. Even now, when I see any of my 5 higher-ups, I roll my eyes and start to facepalm.

Sometimes, even tactical facepalms just can't do the job anymore

Anyway, like Jonathan say, it's live and let live. We gotta do what we gotta do, so let's go for it, and do my best.

Next up, is Cheryn's chalet.

I've been practising my skatiing for Pasir Ris Park (PSP), for the ground there is a bitch with its humps, slopes and long distances. But me and Haikal?

WE CONQUERED IT.

OMG, it felt great to urban skate the whole PSP. I never felt so much adrenaline pump through my body before. The thing about skating is this. The thrill of always going to fall down, but never falling down, feels great. It's just like reverse bungee, or roller coasters, but on a much smaller scale.

Oh yeah, I'd like to ride THIS THING one day!

Other from that, we relaxed at a breakwater, talking, napping, and listening to music. It felt really great. But like I always said, surrounded by great friends whom are like family, is always the best sensation ever. It doesn't matter where you are, or when.

You've really got to kill me to call me NOT to love this crew!

Other funny stuffs include Heng Khit's drunken stupor, but that's a story for another time!

My next target to conquer with my boots after PSP, is ECP! Hopefully, I shall be alive next time to tell the tale!

Now's time for some sleep. =)

JLPTN4

JLPTN4 is tomorrow morning. Wish me luck.

I really hope I can hit my minimum target! =)

Good luck to all of you taking MSTs!

Wrathful

I feel recently that my level to handle stress has been at a low. I get angry easily.

Work:
MDC has been okay at the start, but with the F1 project underway... me and Garry has been coughing blood. Working out ergonomics of car and sitting positions makes me really appreciate car-makers out there. They're good at their jobs, and whenever I sit in a car next time, I will definitely thank them for all their hard work. It doesn't help that I have an unfriendly supervisor who picks on me and my teammates everyday. His presence just purely pisses me off.

Health:
I haven't been in good health lately. Caught a flu, and accidentally spread it to Garry. Sorry about that, bro. In addition to that, my body's been really heaty lately. Due to my part time job, I've also been skipping dinners. Don't tell me it's unhealthy. I know, but time is not on my side. Walked through the rain a couple of times too, due to the bad weather.

Only healthy thing I've been doing is skating. Whenever I feel like I am in a bad mood, I power skate because the adrenaline of going fast and fighting the danger of falling down and injuring myself seriously takes things off my mind.

Feelings:
Recently, I've got this thing for this girl. I don't know why. I fell in love with her at first sight.

Guys, you might think this is tiresome, so ignore this part if you don't like to read it.

Around her, I get a little shy, lose appetite, stutter and get into accidents. I miss her on days I don't see her. People around me make fun of me and her, but I don't mind.

I feel like she is very important to me. I've been given advice and help, but to be honest, I blame myself for being a natural coward. I want to make her happy.

I'm afraid that we might not even end up friends if she were to know my feelings for her. It wouldn't just affect me. It would affect all the friends around us. And I'm scared.

That fears gives me stress, which makes me angrier at myself for not being able to arrive at solutions...

I need some off time.