Change

I realise that I need to break out of my shell. I mean, I'm the kind of person who's so inactive in life, my friends seldom take the initiative to even talk to me on MSN. I'm the one who takes the initiative, and I'm really envious of people who finds it naturally whenever their MSN rings up a notification. I mean, I feel surprised everytime it happens. And I'm almost always on MSN.

I guess confidence is one factor. I don't have much of that. I mean, I'm not handsome, good looking, cool, or whatever. I'm a fat, uncool kind of guy? Dunno if I'm bitching about myself too much, but maybe that's how people think. I don't dare to warm up to people, and I don't dare to talk much to people I don't really know. It's a problem to me, actually. When I try talking to people I don't really know, scenarios come to mind. "What if he/she thinks I'm an idiot?", "What if he/she doesn't want to be my friend?", "What if she thinks I'm flirting although I am not?". Etc, etc. And when I make new friends via events, it's probably the first and last time I meet the person. When I try talking to them on Facebook/MSN, the same questions above comes to mind. And I withdraw into my shell. Again. Seriously.

Physically, I need to change too. I've been jogging for 2 weeks straight now without letting up (and the daily jogs will continue), with a major changeover in my diet. Thing is, I find the weight loss too slow. I've been given advices by really great pals, who told me to take my time, and that weight loss should be taken of delicately, less it does harm to my health and all that. But I'm impatient. I keep feeling that if I change myself physically, maybe, mentally, I can change too. Perhaps to be more confident. They probably won't understand since they don't have my inferiority complex, but much appreciated advice, guys! I need to change, and every single action to me counts.

Like Obama said, "Change".

Countdown to graduation!

Graduation's in 4 days!

Feels so unreal. Got the robe, the tie, the shirt, the pants.

Be there if you can, people. I need the photos to reminisce about when I'm old and rotting.

Loss

I always thought that you would be there, but I guess that I took it for granted. In my memories, you would protect me, care for me, love me, bring me everywhere, treat me and teach me. You were one of my hero. The strongest person I know in my entire life.

Even when you were claimed to be a 'gone case', you hung in there, exceeding expectations, giving us hope that you could still be there, even if it is just a bit longer.

My regret was that I was unable to see you in your last moments, even though I knew that you were holding on with your last bits of strength. Even though I know that you had wanted to see me. It is a regret that will last my entire life.

I lament myself at the lack of tears I shed. I kept on asking myself why I didn't cry, even though it hurts so much. Even though with all my heart, I wanted the you in my memories, strong and steady, to come back to us.

You might have forgotten a small incident from when I was young. When I was 11-12, you brought me to school, and saw a boy insult me. After I attended my lessons, you proceeded to follow the boy and made him apologise to me the next day. In my heart, from that day on, you were my hero.

We had a lot of disagreements before, but now that I'm grown up, I see that almost all of those were my fault. But now, chances to apologise are gone.

Everyone loves you, and you'll be engraved in our memories forever. Rest well. I promise that I'll keep the family together.

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The Singapore General Elections this year has ended!

Somehow, I've seen a lot of views in the matter, and it's funny how the younger voters and reacting to politics as though they had cared about it before this. How shallow. The GE is not the Great Singapore Sale. It's an event that will decide the country's well-being for the next five years. Don't be naive.

There are those who think voting is a "trend" and votes for the opposition just for that. What are you doing? Buying an iPhone? No, what you're doing is deciding the country's future. "Every vote is sacred." Make the vote for the party that will act in your best interest, or your next generation's best interest. You're the ones in the work force, or will soon be in the work force. This affects you deeply.

But also, some parties are giving quite impossible promises. "The education system is faulty. We will let each classroom have only 20 students to a teacher.", "We promise that the cramming of MRTs during peak hours will be reduced." blablabla.

Looks nice on the surface? Let's see. 20 students to a teacher will mean doubling of school sizes and teaching staff in EVERY school in Singapore. Cramming of MRTs being reduced means that there'll be MRT jams, similar to traffic jams on the roads, which will cause more disquiet. The inefficiencies suddenly seem to be there, don't they? Don't get me started on the people who keeps on complaining about foreign talents. I'll be insulting their intelligence, and trust me, people whose intelligence gets insulted by me are on the very low end on the thinking level, since I'm not exactly a smart guy.

And also, like Garry said, I laugh at those who act like they felt pity that George Yeo stepped down, though they don't even know his status prior and accomplishments.

To be honest, I feel that this GE has shown the ugly side of many Singaporeans, and how we often lament, complain and groan.

Or maybe that's simply what democracy is.