Change

I realise that I need to break out of my shell. I mean, I'm the kind of person who's so inactive in life, my friends seldom take the initiative to even talk to me on MSN. I'm the one who takes the initiative, and I'm really envious of people who finds it naturally whenever their MSN rings up a notification. I mean, I feel surprised everytime it happens. And I'm almost always on MSN.

I guess confidence is one factor. I don't have much of that. I mean, I'm not handsome, good looking, cool, or whatever. I'm a fat, uncool kind of guy? Dunno if I'm bitching about myself too much, but maybe that's how people think. I don't dare to warm up to people, and I don't dare to talk much to people I don't really know. It's a problem to me, actually. When I try talking to people I don't really know, scenarios come to mind. "What if he/she thinks I'm an idiot?", "What if he/she doesn't want to be my friend?", "What if she thinks I'm flirting although I am not?". Etc, etc. And when I make new friends via events, it's probably the first and last time I meet the person. When I try talking to them on Facebook/MSN, the same questions above comes to mind. And I withdraw into my shell. Again. Seriously.

Physically, I need to change too. I've been jogging for 2 weeks straight now without letting up (and the daily jogs will continue), with a major changeover in my diet. Thing is, I find the weight loss too slow. I've been given advices by really great pals, who told me to take my time, and that weight loss should be taken of delicately, less it does harm to my health and all that. But I'm impatient. I keep feeling that if I change myself physically, maybe, mentally, I can change too. Perhaps to be more confident. They probably won't understand since they don't have my inferiority complex, but much appreciated advice, guys! I need to change, and every single action to me counts.

Like Obama said, "Change".