"Revival, recent thoughts"

With too many things on my mind, it occurred to me that having an online journal to document my thoughts might not be a bad idea. Recently, people have taken to Twitter for short emotional outbursts every 5 minutes, Facebook statuses to taunt people and Instagram to show their most recent and glamorous of photos. Blogs are like a forgotten relic of the past. *laughs* But I still think writing, in its core, can bring out emotions. Writing out how we feel is an outlet, a release, and showing others our soul.

So I've decided to revive this blog. Let's update you with a simple reintroduction with who I am, since I've changed from the Zi Hao a year ago.

"Hi, I'm Zi Hao. I'm 22 this year. I'm a simple, mild mannered person who likes to be in the company of close friends and family. I love cooking, and is constantly exploring new dishes and inventing them. I love to do food hunting as well with friends, so do recommend me any good restaurants. I'm also kind of a fitness junkie as of recent, you can follow up my fitness archives, and if you are looking for a running or gym buddy, I'm available. Also, I like reading and writing selectively. Currently, I'm a NSF, but I'll be ORD-ing on the 22 Aug this year. You can follow my Twitter @kallzh, or my Instagram kalzh."

That's the gist of how I'm living my life right now. So, down to business.

Today's topic shall be about regret and self-disappointment.

Have you ever taken a good look at your life, and thought about how and what you could have been if you haven't screwed up in the past? And that right now, you're disappointed in yourself because you couldn't live up to your own expectations?

I have.

Today, I received a news of tremendous disappointment. It made me think back so much on how I could have been and what I could have been if I had made the right choices in the past. As I reflected, I regretted. And as I regretted, more self disappointment seeped in. I wanted to punch myself and keep on telling myself how dumb, how stupid I was 2-3 years ago. How I constantly didn't put in my best and gave my all. How I am a failure of a human being. I felt that I was unreliable, overdependent on others and it further disappointed me. What sort of person am I?

See, I was negative about myself. I loathed myself in the moment, and I thought of myself as a burden to everyone around me. It took a good godsister to cheer me up a bit. She told me my good points, and told me what I already know I have to do from now on: to move on and improve myself as a person.

Don't get me wrong, she cheered me up a little, but self-disappointment and regret aren't things that go away easily. I still have that tinge. But I'm really glad I have friends who are by my side when I need them. Friends who listen and support me and comfort me. Confidants.

My advice for people who have the same issues? Like me, move on. Living in the past will get you nowhere. Everyone is born to do something amazing. You just haven't discovered which amazing thing you're meant to do yet. ;) Search. Find it. Make your life meaningful, so you won't every regret or feel that disappointment again. Look back only if there is a lesson to be learnt, not to dwell.

I hope my opening revival post was meaningful, people. More will come. Count on it. :)