A Brief idea...?

This few days past, I've been cooking a few different recipes. I really do enjoy cooking. I've been in love with it ever since I touched the stove while I was 11.

The wonders you can make with ingredients are limitless. To me, food is an art form. But of course, they must be healthy, delicious, satisfying. I've always liked to study up on recipes, be able to cook more dishes.

Today my mother told me something interesting, as an advice.

"Why don't you go into the food industry if you like it so much?"

I pondered about it. CK gave me the same advice when we chatted and I said I liked cooking a lot.

I supposed I was afraid, to mix pleasure with work. Cooking, in the industry meant that your service and skills need to be speedy and precise. And, in the food industry, there is no room for mistake, or it'll be waste of time, skills and resources if the customer rejects your food. Most importantly, your reputation will go kaput.

But to end without trying is pathetic. Could this be the beginning of my dream? The prospects are exciting... I'll do my best and see how it goes!

Takers

Since I've got two free Cathay movie vouchers back then, a gang of us went to The Cathay to watch a movie. Wanted to watch comedy flicks, but they were all out of seats, so we had no choice but to take what was available. We watched "Takers".

This movie is basically about a bunch of robbers who got saboed by their old brother who felt betrayed as he was caught and sent to prison with his girlfriend snatched away by his bro. The ending was non-conclusive, so I felt like it was a waste of 2 hours of my time. Good thing it was free. It was a bullshit movie.

What's a point of a story if you don't give it a conclusion? At least you might wanna give it an exciting cliffhanger. But it basically sucked in the end lol.

2/10. If I could, I would throw rotten tomatoes at the screen.

Dreams (2)/Masks and Friendships/Matters of the heart

Exhausted, but I shall wait till my hair is dry before hitting the sack.


This few days, as "research", I asked around people about dreams, and if they had them. Everybody gave me the same advice. To slowly search, as I still had 2 1/2 years to think out my options. But  it feels like I'm missing an organ. Because having a dream leads to having ambitions, while ambitions leads to action. Action ensures that you will one day build your own road.


I haven't even got the tar ready. How do I build it up, my road to the future?


I will go on looking, for it, so that I can go on. Everyday I am living in now seems so meaningless without a goal. I feel like a dead man inside. 


I need to be revived.


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You know that you are pretty much the talk of the town when you just say some random stuffs about person A, and person B assumes you are talking about him/her.


For eg, on FB, yesterday, a certain someone really really pissed me off. Shall not mention names here. Don't worry, it's not any ACER. It's... a certain someone else.


So I wrote on FB as my profile message: "Don't assume. You don't know me at all."


Verena replied, "i love how word spread so fast, it is really amusing to me. hahahhahahha"


I'll tell you now I have no idea what she's talking about. Guilty conscience much? It's natural for people to talk about people behind their backs. I'd be lying if I say I am neither curious nor hurt, but it happens to everyone. I'm used to the talking behind another party's back, but I'll never get used to the hurt. I guess I might have a delicate heart.


Trying too hard to be a friend can be a bad thing sometimes too. I have that weakness, from what some had told me.


But it's like I said. Don't assume. I've been wearing a mask because if I don't, I might not be accepted by the general public. Very little people has had the privilege to see the face behind the mask. Same goes for everybody, doesn't it. Everyone wears a mask for self preservation.


I want to be honest to myself for once you know, just to see if friendship can withstand truth. But from what I know, friendship is like glass. It breaks easily unless both parties treat it with delicate care. Truth is tough. That's how it is.

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So that's how screwed up my life is right now. A guy who has no dreams and goals to speak of and has social stress to deal with. Let's comfort myself by telling myself it could be worse.

Can I be true to myself and be accepted?

Dreams?

I'm nearing graduation from Polytechnic in one measly semester. 2 1/2 years sure have passed by fast. All the great friends and memories and the not so good ones, will always be a valuable part in my heart. My World, My SP. =)

So what do I want to do after Poly?

No, I'm not talking about NS. I'm talking even further ahead, into a future I still have yet to explore. What do I want to do? What do I want to advance in? What exactly are my dreams?

Which brings us to the subject of dreams.

I've seen Jonathan and Garry, both deciding on their paths for the future, and strive for me. Compared to them I guess I'm pathetic. Garry's decided to embark on his path to designing, Jonathan's got a dream to excel in psychology. Even Kai Yang, has a future of teaching IT and Japanese in the future. Compared to them, I have no prospects.

Pathetic.

You know, for dreams, we sure have to be realistic about them. Dreams and realism are opposites, but the irony is that we have to dream realistically. For example, I can't say that I want to be a multi-billionaire and be surrounded by beautiful woman by the age of 20. That's pure unrealistic and near impossible. People need to have dreams which they can invoke by themselves, through the process of hard work, sweat, blood and tears.

So what dream do I have? None. And that's why I say I'm pathetic. I'm sure many agree. I don't know what lies ahead of me in the future, nor have I seen that far. I can't dream big, and therefore I'm pathetic. Successful people has to dream big.

Engineering is a skill I picked up to ensure my survival. It's to make sure I can at least be able to support myself in the future. But engineering is not what I want. It's supposed to be my last resort. What do I want? Honestly, truthfully, I need to touch my heart and ask myself.

"I don't know."

Various people often told me before, "You sure don't know about a lot of things, do you?" I'm ashamed of that part of me, but it is true. I really don't know a lot. Seriously, what have I being doing for my past 19 fucking years? I'm disappointed. I don't even know my dream. I don't even have that something that everybody has within of them.

When we're were young, innocent, naive, even, we can think up of "dreams" everyday.

"I want to be a firefighter! A policeman! An illegal bookie!" (Ok wait a minute, that last one was a wee off, but...)

We were so full of hope, wanting to embrace the world. Now as 20 draws near in another year, I realise that as we grow up, not all those dreams can be fulfilled. Like I said, we are people who needs to dream realistically. I wish I can go back to those days, where I can rant about what I want to be in the future.

I wish.

Hey, me, give me a good dream. :')

School starts

Being back to school is always sudden. But a case of semester blues hits me while I was in the lab of my TF project. And also, being a Monday sucks again.

Guess things can't be helped. Seeing some classmates obviously bring back pleasant memories. Friends are always cool. =) 

This is going to be one hell of a semester. Everybody in my sector will have to work from 9am-6pm everyday, where punctuality is a key part of our marks.. >_<

Now, with school restarting, a key part of what I am looking forward to is Escapade. Inspira 2009 rocked the socks off everything, haha. I am so looking forward to this year's Escapade again.

Hope I can take leave for the training dates. I'm having trouble for that. Bosses, please be easy on meeee...

Time will be packed for me at the time being. Monday: 6pm go home, Tuesday: 10+pm go home, Wednesday: 6pm go home, Thursday: 10+pm go home, Friday: 10+pm go home, Saturday: Work during morning/Escapade training/Escapade and Sunday: Japanese class at Ikoma in the morning.

Where's leisure gone to, lol? 

Countdown of Despair

I anticipate. I fear. I despair.

Exam results will be out, 11:30am today. 10 hours plus to go.

Please let my SC and PLC go well. >< I do not wish to repeat module.

This is what post-exam is like. The fear can't be put into words. Butterflies in my stomach now.

Good luck, everyone.

Summary

Oh boy, past few days had been so out of the world. Time passes by fast, no? 2nd week of the holidays are gone just like that. Monday had been the only day I really did nothing. Tuesday to today? I've been going out everyday.

Tuesday was my first day of work. Meeting up with Leslie and KY was awesome. Sup bros, long time no see. KY adapted a rock star hairstyle, which he'll need to dye back to black soon for our enlistment photo. First day of work was cool, with my job training going well. So yeah, I'm an assistant for Kumon now. Don't try to sabotage me by visiting my workplace! Dinner with them was cool stuff. We had a lot to say. I participated in a shuttle run training to the bus stop with Leslie after such a reunion. Hooray.

So... Wednesday was my last class for Japanese Intermediate! I got my certificate for completing the course, hehe. It's a little sad that my final lesson at Intermediate couldn't be under my current Sensei, who is moving back to Japan. So now, I'm moving to Sunday classes, morning. It's taken up by my former Sensei, so adapting shouldn't be a problem. =)

Thursday, I went to Felix's house's gym. Freaking awesome, training in an empty gym, with an empty swimming pool to use after that. Just that it had to rain. :\ So I got into the pool for like... 5 minutes? Bullshit. I'll ask Fel if I can go again next week.

Today today today... me, Zack and Haikal went to Big Splash in Chinese Garden. Being to the pool always is fun, but it spent a lot of our energies. Well, this is the good thing about youth. It's something you need to waste away. Asked a few people to go before, but all were busy and saying about how they don't want to show off their fats, so well, the three of us decided to go by ourselves. Who says you can't have fun with just 3? Bullshit! We had tons of fun. Such is the awesomeness of brotherhood. Who cares about ignored messages and refusal to participate. It's because it's all guys that we can talk about stuffs we usually don't say outside.

Tomorrow will be a day dedicated to card games. I should sleep more. Yes I should. =) I need to keep up the energy!

I'm so looking forward to the 9th Oct. ACERs! You guys should look forward to that day too!