Isolated, alone, and miserable...

Guess there are many people out there hating my guts for some reasons now. It's been pretty obvious about it, some more than others.

It's not that I don't know. I'm merely pretending not to know.

Friends. They support you to the extent that you can hang stars in the skies.

Friends. they comfort you and raise your spirits when you are down.

Friends. When they start to turn their backs on you... you fall into a pit where no one can pick you up. A pit called loneliness.

I haven't exactly been able to do the first and second above, but... what have I done to you guys to get hated to such extents? To extents that you have to drive me to being alone? To abandon me?

I know what an idiot I can be at times. What a jerk I can be. What a bastard I can even sometimes be. But isn't friends about accepting each other's flaws? Haven't I always tried to listen to you guys? Tried to change according to how you guys like me to be?

Because, to me, you guys sunk to the level of being the third kind of friend above.

If you also want to make other people hate me, congratulations. You definitely succeeded.

I guess you guys won't even care if I go die now. If that is the case, then go on.

2 down, 1 more to go!

Out of my three papers, there is only one more to go! But it's the toughie: Maths. Must start chionging during weekend.

IA paper today done. I think I did fairly okay. Quite a coincidence that while choosing a seat in the Hilltop Library for some last minute revision, I happened to chance upon Agnes at the table in front of me. Didn't even notice her cos I was in a bit of a rush, haha, till she called me.

Chatted with Ern and Sunny today after the paper about anime, manga and stuff. Maybe it's because we're all busy studying, but I felt like I haven't talked to Sunny in ages. I then went to his house for like 2 minutes to collect my toolbox.

Going to rest for tonight. Right now sipping a Coke while typing out a post in an air-con room. :P

Played Blackjack Pro on FB just now. I can't go casino with my skills. -.- My credits were $135 -> $300 -> $45. Epic fail. >_<

Tomorrow's Jap lesson's been postponed to 5pm! Great, more time for me to go swimming. Been snacking way too much recently. Pissed off at myself for that. -.-

After exams got ITP. Mentor Media... Must maintain a good working ethic during ITP and create a good impression in front of the superiors.

But before ITP, right after the papers, there'll be outings to attend and fun fun fun for 2-3 days! :] Can't wait.

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You guys are right. I've been too rushed. I'd scare any girl away if I advance so fast towards her. I'm going to do it, slowly...

She'll think I'm not serious, cos I suddenly liked her after meeting her again. Even if my feelings are real, who's going to believe it? Not her. She'd be more scared and repulsed than happy. Need to build up my confidence too.

Meanwhile, the money I saved for plans to take her out and stuff can be used for fun and games and certain other reasons.

I guess I was being selfish. I didn't want to waste any opportune time with her, cos in 1 year's time, I'll be in NS already.

But if I rush into things, I won't even get one second with her.

But I really want to see her, even now, this very second.

This is a good song to describe my predicament right now.

null.mp3

This is a song by Yuna Ito feat. Spontania, called 今でも会いたいよ・・・ (Ima Demo Aitai Yo...). The name translates to 'Even now, I want to meet you...'. A description of how I'm feeling now about her...

Because I really want to see her.

Troubled... again

Yo folks!!! The past few days, nothing has happened much, except that 2 days ago, me and Haikal and Zack went to the gym, and then me and Haikal went to swim at night. The plan has begun after all.

Other from that, it's been study sessions with Ernthechamp for the exams! Stress sia...

MMS down for today. Personally, I don't find it easy nor difficult. I don't think I can score...

Next paper is IA. Super power memory work is going to come in handy!

But before that, I guess I'll be gyming tomorrow with Haikal again. After all, the plan is still progressing. :]

The exams are progressing now, and it's going to take a lot of energy and stress out of me. Ern told me to just relax and not be too stressed if I want to score well. Tells me it works all the time for him. If only it works for me.

I can't even relax though I hope I can! Need to try though...

And the plan begins!

This is a post that will probably make some of you laugh or some of you yawn because it always happens, but I'm undergoing a new plan to lose weight again! 

Some of you might be pretty shocked by this sudden announcement, I guess, but here goes!

1) Watch what I eat!

I've been always indulging in unhealthy food. Dinner after a full day of project/work/revision had always been McDonalds/KFC/Long John Silver/Mos Burger. Time to stop that. From now on, I'm going on a carbo/protein diet for exercising purposes.

2) Stop overeating.

I've always overeaten on every meal. From now on, I'll eat enough to sustain my energy for sports and my activities for the whole day. Overeating will get me nowhere.

3) Exercise!

In the near future, as in 8 hours from now, I'll be at the gym. For the holidays, due to my ITP, gym is pretty much impossible, but since my workplace is near the Bukit Batok Swimming Complex, exercising by swimming should be the least of my concerns. Should also jog whenever I have the opportunity.

I need the determination to achieve all of the above, so everyone, please remind me of what I should be doing whenever you can. It's for my health and welfare. Staying fat for my entire life isn't something I want after all...

人日

The 7th day of CNY, known as 人日, is also the birthday of everyone in the world. So everyone, Happy Birthday!

Frankly, I only know about this tradition today. And since I don't get birthday gifts... I don't really care, I guess.

Today, there was a big CNY blowout at Marvin's house!

But I wasn't there. Firstly, due to Japanese class. And that I, instead, went with my family to Tua Pek Gong Temple at the East, with my grandpa. After that, we went to Swee Chun Dim Sum at around the Little India area. I recommend the century egg porridge there, it's god-like. Their other dim sum were good too.

Too bad I couldn't make it. I really regret it, but I don't have a choice, do I? It's family.

拜年

Reached school today at 10am for programming test. After that need to chiong report submissions. A lot of deadlines are today.

Some of us gathered to visit Zack's house for CNY. Were supposed to gather at... 1pm, but ended up we gathered at around 2.30pm due to schedule constraints. Culprits today were Ern, Sophia, Clara and Ee Seuu. Ate at Popoye's. First time I ate there. It wasn't half bad. Sophia had to leave at 4pm though, and we finished only at around 3:40pm, so she unfortunately couldn't make it...

Zack's house was great. We played cards with one another while watching funny movies on SCV. He has an adorable baby sister.

After that, we went over to Ern's house for a short while. I really think that I'm starting to impose too much already. Shouldn't keep going on such regular basis. I feel bad about it also... =X

No photos of today. We didn't take any, hehs.

Just to notify that I'm still alive. =]

Finished FME and Stats test! Yesyesyesyes! =] 3 more papers and I'm down for the count!

Came across a nice song by Abingdon Boys School a few days ago. If you guys like rock, listen.

Abingdon Boys Scho...

Gonna continue doing my report now. Tomorrow got programming test, gg. T_T

Updates, updates and more updates

11/2:
Day of two big events, the DFP assessment and IA lab test.

Didn't do so well for the lab test...

DFP assessment went well. I was useless for the last minute troubleshooting. ZY was tanking it all alone, with Marvin and Steve's help. Many thanks, guys...

^Our AGV

^Back view

^Benzy and Sunny with the AGV in hand

^Team photo

^Representatives from each team with their AGVs

All of us were so glad about DFP having ended. It took a whole load off our minds. We were so carefree after to the extent that me, Garry and Ern actually camwhored a bit.

^Photos above taken by Ern and Garry. :]

Yeah, you can imagine the load lifted off our minds.

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12/2

Hei Sushi buffet day! 

It was awesome, I ate my worth. =] Always love a sushi buffet.

Drank too much water and puked though ><

Will post photos of the event soon. =]

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13/2:

CNY eve, a day of reunion with family members. 

Before that, spring cleaned the house. Sure is tough. Washed the toilet and tidied up my messy room successfully.

Went to the reunion dinner at my father's side first. Met up with my cousins and we crapped the whole evening while eating steamboat.

After that, went to my mother's side. Uncle whipped up a pig's liver marinated with XO for me. Was absolutely delicious.

Went home and watched Darker than Black Ern sent. Finished the series, and I sure found it touching. Great story. :'(

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14/2:
Happy Valentines Day and Lunar New Year!

The 1st day's schedule was cut short due to certain reasons. I reached home fairly early.

My aunt and some cousins came around at night for dinner.

It didn't matter if I was alone for V. Day. This year in particular, I didn't care. I was already turned down for it after all.
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15/2:
2nd day of Lunar New Year.

Basically, I went over to my aunt's (my mother's sister) place. Had some pretty amazing dishes she whipped up and KFC.

Went home to prepare for BEING visited.

Aunts, uncles and cousins poured in during evening time. Steamboat for dinner, and there was some great catching up. :]
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16/2:
3rd day of Lunar New Year.

The 3rd day and onwards are often the most boring because basically, you've visited everyone and everyone had visited you.

Went out for lunch with my family, and then Orchard Road for some shopping. Got a good coat.

And that's all about the chronicles of my boring life.

For reading till this far, you shall now be rewarded with a beautiful song, the opening theme of Darker than Black S2: Ryuusei no Gemini. :]

Get this widget | Track details | eSnips Social DNA

Ever get the feeling...?

First of all, Happy Chinese New Year Eve to all! =) Hope your ang pows are big and filled up for this year.

Have you ever get the feeling that you're being disliked or hated?

The feeling that you're being looked down on?

The feeling that your closest friends are whispering about you behind your back?

The feeling that they are indirectly talking about you at times?

And the feeling of being very tired of life, stressed out, wanting to cry yourself to sleep every night and feeling suicidal at times because all of the above are happening?

I do.

I would say I partially deserve it too, being who I am. I tried to change myself according to advices and criticism... but it seems that I can't change completely into what everybody wants me to be.

I can only be myself. Please, I implore you to understand that.

Stressed out, but let it loose...

Today, I went to school early and got started on spray painting first before the team reached. Tested out on assembly, and it was clear there were some problems. First time, but my stress symptoms took on a different form this time. Other from breathing difficulty, I vomited a little. Didn't feel so good just now...

MMS test was okay. I'll live through it, anyhow. Need to rush more other stuff.

Earlier release today. I went to rest up a bit, and then met Zack for dinner out with Ern also. Returned the treat today. :] Katong laksa and Otah were awesomely delicious. We went to the arcade, and took some photos and videos with Ern's super special awesome 8.1 Megapixels camera phone.

^My mouth expression like what sia haha...

^Double wielder!

^Another funny mouth expression...

^Ern and a cartoon girl haha.

^Zack Ng: Master sniper

^His one normal bullets, look at my gun barrel! Shooting green beams.

^Zack and me pointing guns at one another in a dramatic fashion...

^And bang! He's dead.

First time me and Ern saw a punching machine in an arcade, and something really funny happened. When Zack hit the punching machine, the sensor broke down LOL. Below is a video clip of it.


^First ripped video of it... Will upload the full videos up eventually.

After arcade, we went to Ikea and enjoyed soft ice cream, hotdogs and free flow drinks, haha, till 8pm.

Still need to chiong my DFP and also tomorrow's presentation day! Plus Stats PBL also.

All in all, today was stressful in the beginning. I'm glad I had a de-stressing activity at the end of the day.

Updating!

Yesterday, we gathered at school, then Sunny's house to do the powerpoint slides for RWP. Sunny's house was very fun to be in, haha. Thanks for the seaweed Pringles and Kinder Bueno White.

Today supposed to do presentation, but due to lack of time, seems like our team will have to do it on Wednesday. There goes the shirt I ironed...

Spray painted the AGV today! ZY commented that it's too colourful, but Sunny and I thinks it's fine. Should be able to finish it by tomorrow.

Today, our class took our ever first full class photo! You'd think we would have one earlier, hehs. Credits to Garry's camera.

^DMA/FT/2B/04! :]

Exams are coming, and ZY and Sunny and I were supposed to be studying today. Note that I used 'were supposed'. I was reading up on IA's review questions, and they were doing Maths and Stats, but it didn't take long for all of us to start playing Worm Blast on Sunny's laptop. Guyssss, we need to buck up!!!

My jogging plan still hasn't started yet. Let's get this hellish week over with first. ><

Hehs...

It's Saturday, but this morning (11.55am) was different. I was welcomed by the smell of thinner as I woke up. Turned out my house was being repainted. It's great to see my house so bright with the white colour.

I'm exhausted. Couldn't sleep last night after what happened. Totally bummed out at Jap class today, and I slept to soundly on the train home I overshot by 2 stops and ended up at Gombak. =_=

No biking tomorrow since Ern can't make it. Will have the whole day to do presentation slides.

Looking through my laptop, and I found some songs I edited in the past before. Half a year ago, I was hoping to do some media stuff, like video editing, photo editing and... song editing. Here are two songs I edited and shortened to "TV-Size". Tell me if you like em and I'll send the full song your ways. Both songs are from the Japanese contemporary band AAA. Enjoy.

AAA - Red Soul.mp3

AAA - Mirage.mp3

Hope you liked them.

Well, at least Friday's here...

Today was a busy day. Due to my panic mode being activated, I triggered a symptom I encounter during really stressed times: breathing difficulty. I'm starting to think if I am getting HBP. Need to exercise more already or I'll be dead by next year due to health problems. Training mode: begin. BTW, guys, I'm returning all loans and treats I owe to you guys in the coming week. My saving for the event isn't needed anymore.

Blogging at the source of 50% of my pressure right now: campus.

• RWP: Check
• DFP Programming: Check (sort of)
• MMS lab revision: Check
• Asking her out... : Check

It failed. Utterly. Totally. Disappointment is the least of my problems. I'm blaming myself for the lack of courage to ask her out earlier. If I had, maybe she would've accepted my invite...

I feel really empty right now. Dunno how to describe the emotion where sometime is building up in your chest and you want to let it out. Maybe it's the optimism I expressed that I can really cinch her. Too much overconfidence. 'Don't think, just do.' Hmm, well, now I need to think of how to face her the next time we meet.

Or the next plan to ask her out, which I could always embark on.

Optimism again? Or cluelessness? Somehow, both of them seemed linked...

But if I hadn't try, instead of disappointment, I probably would have felt something worse: regret. Now, I can bask in the fact that I actually did try. So I must thank Garry and Haikal for their advice.

And I must definitely try again some day... To have so much encouragement from my many friends, I can't give up here. Not now. But before that, I need to snap out of it first. C'mon, ZH...

Shagged

Today spammed all my energy on RWP till now super tired. Eyes are closing on its own soon already... Going to send in plagiarism report soon.

Not much to update today, but lemme share one song with you peeps!

03 Brand New World...

It's a beautiful song named 'Brand New World' by Yuna Ito, an artiste recommended to me by Fel and advertised much by good ol' Ern after that. So after them, I recommend her songs to you guys. Enjoy!

^Yuna Ito

Pretty face with a beautiful voice. Not a bad combination, eh? :] 

Chiong ah chiong!

Busy schedule recently... but I have faith in myself! Sure can survive it one! Then I can finally be able to sleep earlier...

Today ended earlier, so I went and did a bit of my report. Got to say, I'm pretty impressed that it's getting more organized and more filled up! AGV is also getting more and more organised. As of now, 95% complete is a big accomplishment! Just worried about the electronic part, where we are behind...

After workshop, I went to the library and met Ern while doing more RWP. Got some Yuna Ito songs from him in the process. Slightly addicted to 'Brand New World' by her, haha.

Recently, Garry's got one of his graphics used by another person without crediting him. I hereby declare, I fking hate thieves like this. Back then, when I made images and fanvids at regular basis, there were also people who stole what I made before. It is very disrespectful to the person who spent all their time making the product. If you have the balls to steal it, why not go grow some balls to make it yourself? Useless dogs.

Jojo sent me a meaningful MV which kinds of describe my predicament right now. I usually don't listen to Korean songs, but I like this video. I may not support any stars/ idols etc., but I gotta admit, this MV's story plot is good...



It kind of affected me a little to want to tell her that I like her before someone snatches her away. This video shows the consequences of being slow, cowardly and lack of initiative. I'm going to grasp my happiness before someone else takes it away! Ganbatte!

Work hard, play even harder!

1/2/10:
Monday morning = GEMs = everyone sure late, haha. I reached at around 7:45am at the classroom and napped till 8:20am when lessons started. Sure was shiok.

Yesterday was chiong chiong chiong with RWP... We're almost close to completion for everything, which is good. Finally caught up! :] Need to allocate more time to my other activities at times too.

After school finished, me, Sunny and ZY went to Mos Burger for dinner. Since we were at Lot 1, we went to the arcade for a game of BishiBashi, haha. I suck big time at the game, Sunny and ZY were so much pro than me at that game.

^"LZH, sniping down targets!" :]

It sure was great to have a relaxing evening after a day of hard work at school. Thanks for the treat again, ZY!